


sometimes to stay alive you gotta kill your mind

by domharry1994



Category: One Direction
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Anxiety, Asshole Harry, Cutting, Depression, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Recovery, Sad Louis, Self Harm, Sweet Liam, Unrequited Love, dark themes, louis is extremely sad, slight - Freeform, slight homophobia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-17
Updated: 2017-08-17
Packaged: 2018-12-16 09:13:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 732
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11825625
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/domharry1994/pseuds/domharry1994
Summary: “Liam,” I croak, startling him from bandaging my wounded wrist. “I’m fine.” I shoot him a watery smile. He cocks his head at me. “Can I be alone?”He stands up from where he was leaning and squeezes the counter tightly.“Why Lou? So you can hurt yourself some more?”OR the one where harry doesnt love Louis back.





	sometimes to stay alive you gotta kill your mind

**Author's Note:**

> hey guys! this was a fun one to write hope you enjoy :) trigger warning!! Kudos and comments

**“So sorry! I forgot I already had plans with Kendall, how about next week?**

**“Can’t tonight, hanging with** **Kendall.** ”

**“Oops forgot I had dinner tonight with Kendall, tomorrow night?”**

**“Sorry Lou, busy tn.”**

**“Can’t.”**

 

Alone. Again. I don’t do well when I’m alone. My thoughts attack me and tear me down layer by layer. My therapist tells me I should get a room mate, I’m a lot less destructive when I’m not alone.

But new people scare me.

Harry was really the only person I had ever felt close to, or could be myself around. Although I never told him about my depressive episodes, he knew everything else about me.

I was stupid and at one point thought he was in love me.

He isn’t. He’s straight.

I’m lying in my bed with the blanket pulled tightly over my head and I wish I could get sucked into my mattress. Better life than what I have now. My eyes are open but all I see is darkness. But that doesn’t bother me; I could stare directly into a light bulb and still only find darkness. The only light I’ve ever known pretends to like me.

I hear footsteps in my room but I don’t move. I already know its Liam.

The covers are gently tugged off my head and I squeeze my eyes shut, I don’t want to see how he’s looking at me.

“.. Lou..” his voice is soft as he pulls me out of the ball I subconsciously scrunched myself into. My face is squished into his hard chest. I pull away and open my eyes; I stare up at Liam who looks down at me sadly. Silently he grabs my left arm and lifts up the sleeve, looking unsurprised when he sees I reopened Harrys name that I cut into my arm a year ago. I start to speak to defend myself but he quickly shushes me.

I go limp in his arms as he picks me up from the bed and takes me into the bathroom. I pathetically clutch at his shirt, he’s the only thing that feels real. He places me on the toilet, I slump against the lid. I watch him as he calmly digs through my drawer and takes out antiseptic and cloth. I nibble against my lip as he applies the antiseptic to my cuts. I wince at the pain but don’t flinch away.

I look down as tears fall down my cheeks. My stomach fills with shame and I just want liam to leave so I can finish myself off.

“Liam,” I croak, startling him from bandaging my wounded wrist. “I’m fine.” I shoot him a watery smile. He cocks his head at me. “Can I be alone?”

He stands up from where he was leaning and squeezes the counter tightly.

“Why Lou? So you can hurt yourself some more?” he replied calmly, pulling me off the toilet lid. I wrapped my arms around myself sub consciously. Liam left the bathroom and returned seconds later with a bag. Louis took it with eyebrows raised.

Liam took a deep breath and grasped me by the shoulders, forcing me to stare into his kind eyes. He gave me a sympathetic look.

“You’re coming to live with me. Or I’m sending you to an institution.”

.

I felt bad burdening Liam and Zayn. They said they didn’t mind but I knew it was putting a strain on their relationship. I’ve lived here for three weeks now; I think I’m getting better.

Harry has texted me once since the last time I asked him to hang. I got so excited I started to cry. But minutes later he apologized and said the text wasn’t for me.

It took everything in me to not tie a belt to the ceiling fan.

I’m starting to realize I don’t love harry as much I think I do. I’m more so obsessed with the thought of him.

I’m looking for a job, I’ve never worked before. I would always get too anxious and go home and cry until I fell asleep. But I feel stronger now. Liam pushed me to go to the interview and it honestly wasn’t that bad.

It’s time to get better.

.

I saw harry today.

He told me he loves me.

I told him it’s too late.

.

I love someone else now.

He kisses my scars.

I’m finally happy.

.

**Author's Note:**

> hope you enjoyed that! Who do u think Louis's special someone is? ;)


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